The Hidden Beliefs of a Man Like Peter

I think I lived with Peter long enough to realise that, not only was he not the man I met, but the man I lived with completely contradicted the man he presented himself to be. He was infact the total opposite of who I thought he was in the beginning. It's not difficult to understand why his friends and work colleagues likely paint me out to be the villain in our separation.

Beliefs can be extremely limiting when they are never challenged or when they fail to adapt to new situations, new people. A lacking theory of mind can mean that toxic, limiting beliefs become ingrained, although during periods of social masking, it would appear that men like Peter can be agreeable in a bid to be liked. I struggle to see that men like Peter have a "disorder" that can be switched on and off to suit himself. His reputation is everything to him. Sometimes, I worry how he might react if he ever fell upon this blog, because he does not cope well with being outed. It is a concern of mine.

I think I have picked up on many of the true beliefs which form the basis of who Peter really is on the inside. These beliefs have not been communicated, but have rather played out infront of me, his beliefs have happened to me a lot more than were verbalised. Peter could easily deny this entire list and I'm very sure that he would do. I'm not even sure that his self awareness is capable of acknowledging what is really at his core. He wants to be SEEN as right and good. But does he want to BE good? Does he separate the two?

These are the beliefs which I experienced, or were implied by Peter. Most of them, completely unsaid:

-Only slim women are beautiful. 

-Stretch marks and saggy skin after pregnancy is unattractive.

-My free time is more important than her free time.

-She gets loads of free time because she only works part-time.

-Her job is much easier than mine.

-I shouldn't have to share my money with her because she only works part-time.

-She doesn't earn enough money.

-Her parents don't even make much effort with her, so why should I make an effort if they don't?

-Her mother doesn't do enough for my children. She should do more so I get more free time when she visits.

-Her trying to keep the children safe and healthy ruins everything.

-I'd prefer to be out with my mates than with my family.

-Her work isn't as important as mine.

-She needs to remember when important meetings occur at my work and plan for them, whilst her meetings are not important, she can probably just not go to her meetings. Afterall, she's part-time!

-She spends money unnecessarily on healthy food. 

-I cook and clean just as much, if not more than she does- she makes me do it.

-It's her choice to spend her free time cooking and cleaning, she doesn't get to choose for me to spend my free time doing the same!

-Sometimes, she pretends she's ill on purpose so that I can't go out and enjoy myself.

-She overreacts when the children are poorly. If she just let them get better on their own, they'd be fine.

- she is intolerant of my mother who just can't help the way she is.

-she doesn't like anybody so she is the problem.

-She just needs to choose to be happier.

- When she wants sex it makes me not want sex.

-I like watching other people have sex on TV more than having sex myself.

-I'm too lazy to have sex.

-I don't like planning anything with her because it might deviate from me doing what I want to do so it's better not to commit or communicate.

-When she shouts at me, she's being unreasonable, I don't like her anymore when she's angry with me.

-she's so needy.

- She should do more to help me with the children.

-She has too many opinions.

-She's a feminist who hates men.

-She's cruel to men.

-She complains too much.

-She just wants to change me and have everything all her own way.

-She's controlling.

- I don't want to rely on her, I prefer to rely on my Dad.

-I didn't want to marry her because she's nasty to me.

-If I marry her, one day she'll take all my parents money which they have worked hard for and belongs to me.

-She is the problem.

-She has convinced professionals that I have ASD when I do not.

-I hate her for telling people we know about our lives.

-She just needs to stop complaining and put up with stuff better.

- I don't want to make an effort with my appearance or my behaviour because she's trying to control me. 

-When she wants to have a conversation what she really means is that she wants an argument.

-My mates wives are much nicer than she is.

-My mates have more money than me because their wives accept that they shouldn't have to share their money. 

-My mates wives don't ask as much of my mates as she asks of me.

-She tries to stop me doing things with my mates because she's jealous.

-She thinks that she does much more for the home and children than she actually does. 

- She should speak nicely and politely to me all the time.

-She just needs to get some hobbies.

-I pity her (was once communicated).

-I'd have more money if it wasn't for her.

-Spending time with the children together is quality time, she doesn't need any more time with me. 

-I don't like that she's accused my sister of trolling her online so she must be lying.

-She tells lies because she wants to be mean and for me to turn against my own family. 

-She is being awkward when she won't look after the children on my set days with them.

-She can't expect me to look after the children on her set days because set days were her idea. 

-She doesn't care how important motorsports is to me. 

-She is selfish by not caring for the children on her own more so that I can do my hobbies. 

-She needs me more than I need her.

-My main hobby is much more of a priority than anything she might like to do because I've done it all my life with my Dad. 

-She's unreasonable to expect me to prioritise special occasions over my hobby.

-She's a selfish brat.

-If she chooses to spend money on Christmas presents for the children then that's up to her, nothing to do with me. 

-If she chooses to arrange playdates for the children, that's up to her, I don't see why it should affect me.

-If she chooses for us to socialise with other families, that's her decision not mine, so nothing to do with me. 

-Her friends aren't as important as mine.

-My friends are better than hers.

-If people are poor, it's their fault. Why should anyone else have to provide for them?

- It's not fair if her and the children eat treats without me. I need to to ensure that I eat as many treats as they do.

-I shower every day so if I smell, that's not my problem. There's nothing more I can do about it.

-Clothes, haircuts and toiletries are a waste of money.

- I need to correct her stories because she tells them wrong.

-I have to make her look small so people don't like her more than me.

-She can't be happier than I am.

-She doesn't deserve to be too happy.