Do you want to talk?

This question causes Peter distress and he rarely says yes to it, but I am having to use it quite often. He clearly, desperately wants to come home after our split; he is lost, confused, sad, unhappy- it is evident to see that he is struggling.

I'm not sure that he realises he is struggling? This makes me feel sorry for him- empathy. Something he appears not to have for me. But, it isn't my responsibility to help Peter with his feelings anymore and so I watch and observe his discomfort and sadness at a difficult distance.

I am still having to see a lot of him to support his relationship with the children as they are not able to go and see him at his parents' house due to building work. This puts me in an awkward situation as I can't quite move on, but I accept it. 

I watch Peter loitering post-bedtime as I'm sat on the sofa with my cup of tea, him not really wanting to leave. But he doesn't loiter very long anymore because he knows what I'll ask him:

"Oh, do you want to talk?"

By asking this question, he knows I'm giving him the opportunity to talk things through, but I'm also telling him that he either needs to talk or leave. 

The first time I asked him this, he'd settled down on the sofa to watch the World Cup after putting the children to bed- he said no and soon charged out of the door, protecting himself, as usual, from uncomfortable feelings.

I think Peter does want to talk, but he doesn't know how to and I am not doing to instigate these one-sided conversations anymore. He has told me that he doesn't want to change, he likes himself the way he is, so for once, I'm stepping him back and letting him reap the consequences of that choice.

Leave or talk, Peter. 

And if he can't talk? 

Accept that this is life now, forever.

Or seek the support- get some help.